I think these are from the first Jean Chretien term in office... which was unfortunately not his only term.
I: Were you happy about the budget you gave today?
FM: Yes, I think it went over very well.
I: Very well with whom?
FM: Well, the liberals seemed to like it.
I: Umm, I don't think they had much of a choice.
FM: Well, maybe so.
I: Do you feel you have done enough budget cuts.
FM: No, but if we do the amount required we might get a bad image.
I: You don't worry about a bad image from delivering a weak budget?
FM: Well, I don't think so... it wasn't totally weak.
I: Is the government just doing enough to make most people at least think you are doing something?
FM: You noticed that didn't you.
I: You didn't increase personal tax, nor did you intend to. How does this plan work into the deficit cutting?
FM: We call it hide-n-seek taxes?
I: What are hide-n-seek taxes?
FM: You see, we don't raise personal income tax. Instead we hide a bunch of taxes in various consumer goods and services. Then it's up to consumer to try and find where they are paying more taxes.
I: But people will eventually find out.
FM: By the time they do it will be so long after we placed the tax that it won't matter anymore.
I: Don't you feel you are deceiving Canadains.
FM: We're government, isn't that what we're supposed to do?
I: I don't think so... what do you plan to do with Health Care?
FM: We could just implement a bunch of user fees to pay for it but we can't let anybody know that so we cut a little and then if we just get rid of it we get a lot more money for ourselves.
I: For yourself?
FM: Did I say that, I meant for the country.
I: Some question why corporate taxes were increased only by a small amount, how do you respond to this?
FM: Well, we say big numbers like 12.5% to make it look like a lot, so only those few people that actually know it's only a 12.5% increase over the 0.025% they pay right now will understand the actual corporate taxes haven't changed. We don't feel like increasing corporate taxes because, well, the corporations could leave, everybody else has to stay.
I: What were the motives to cutting back on transfer payments to provinces?
FM: Well, we looked at provinces like Alberta and saw they didn't want to use more money so we just cut everybody back. The other motive to this is that if the provinces are short of money then they will be forced to cutback. Therefore we can watch what the provinces do to see what we can do, because hey, we don't what the hell we're doing.
I: How do you think international investors will react to this budget.
FM: I doubt they will like it. But they can't do anything, they can't exactly sell off their holdings in Canada, who would want to buy them?
I: Aren't you afraid that the international investors may just stop investing in Canada and close down production in Canada?
FM: Oh, I guess we should have thought about that before we made this budget.
I: You are cutting tens of thousands of jobs, but during your initial campaing you promised jobs and that red book promised more jobs, what happened?
FM: Plan failed, new plan, simple enough.
I: The actual reduction in the deficit wasn't that significant, and in 1997 the deficit will only be down to $28Bil. These figures can make one worry that maybe you aren't really trying to reduce the deficit.
FM: We are trying to cut the deficit. Just because it was put together during the commercials of Baywatch doesn't mean we didn't try that hard.
I: Were there any really drastic ideas that were thought about that could have greatly reduced the deficit?
FM: Yes, we had considered that maybe we should sell Quebec before they have the chance to separate. One other thing, that increase per immigrant to $975 may not seem like much, but you will see the amount of money it will make when you see what we've done with the immigration policy and billions of new immigrants arrive...
I: Okay, wouldn't that allow way too many immigrants into Canada.
FM: Note the Quebec idea, we would allow them all into Quebec then sell off Quebec along with all of the immigrants.
I: Sounds like a very promising idea.
FM: That's what I thought, but the opposition would have been bitterly opposed...
I: To the selling of them?
FM: No, to the allowing all those immigrants in. Can you imagine how much money they would have to spend trying to teach all those people how to speak French?
I: Didn't consider that.
FM: Well, we did, that's why we also planned to buyout all the producers of French language text books. You could have cleaned up threefold.
I: How come you can't come up with any ideas like that for Canada that are feasible and may actually work.
FM: There's only so much time during commercials...
I: You mentioned that before. Do you think that the Reform party may get more support with their opposition to such weak budgets?
FM: No I don't, they are constantly plagued with internal problems, such as racists, etc. In fact we are spreading those rumors so that people don't seriously listen to them, because if they did the deficit might be cut quite quicker and we can't look like we're doing a good job for a longer time.
I: Has the caucus ever considered that if their effort was focused on the country we might all be a lot better off.
FM: I'm afraid I can't answer that, that's up to the Prime Minister to decide that.
I: Thank you very much for the interview.
FM: Your welcome.
I: I look forward to speaking to you again after next year's budget...
FM: What, you mean I have to do another one next year, damn.
I: It's been over a year now, what was most surprising about being PM?
PM: All the work. I was expecting to just sit back and do nothing.
I: And you didn't expect that?
PM: Why no. I had the Red Book, I just thought everybody would read it and start following it. I had no idea there would be disagreements... I was the leader of the government, I'd thought they would listen to me.
I: Speaking of the red book, what do you think was it's major flaw?
PM: The color. I told them to do green so we could confuse people into thinking we think like Reform and get some more votes.
I: On the topic of the Reform Party, do you think they have become a major influence in the House?
PM: The what?
I: The House of Commons.
PM: Oh, that House. What was the question again?
I: Nevermind. How has the infrastructure program been working.
PM: Very well.
I: Then how come the unemployment rate hasn't changed much and the infrastructure is still lousy?
PM: What do you mean. There has been lots of work in front of every member of my caucus' house. And rich sports fans have lots more box seating to look forward to.
I: You seem to have changed your agenda from your platform during the election. You were going to create jobs and instead you are now trying to make cuts. Why the change?
PM: The platform was just to get me in to office. I hope the public didn't honestly believe I could create jobs.
I: So why so slow with the budget cuts then.
PM: We still feel that the middle class has a little more to give. We think we should suck them dry before we make any serious cuts.
I: Some people have accused you of being the Federal version of Alberta's Premier Klein. How do you respond to this?
PM: No, absolutely not. I have no intention of doing such massive cuts. Besides, it looks like he may know what he is doing, I'm just guessing.
I: Why do you feel you still have a very large approval rate?
PM: I'm not sure, it seems to be coming from the middle class. And as I said before this government is only out to screw the middle class, so I'm not sure why we have their support.
I: That's it, you don't attribute any of the support to the attempts at cutbacks you are making.
PM: No, what do you think. There is no way the cuts I am making can ever save us any money.
I: What type of job is the deputy prime minister doing, in your opinion?
PM: Well, it's not really a matter of opinion. The type of job she is doing is a lot of paperwork. She fills in for me when I am gone and gives me a lot of advice...
I: No, I mean... nevermind. Moving onto the issue of separation, how do you feel about Quebec's wanting to separate?
PM: Honestly, by now I just wish they would leave. I'm getting so sick of hearing the opposition in the House. They just go to waste everybody's time.
I: Well thank you for your time. Good luck with whatever plans you may have.
PM: Okay.