You've been watching too much TV when...

by Imagination's End

you find the OJ trial interesting.
you know the names of the top 10 lawn bowlers.
you've removed the power button from the remote.
you've seen everyting but instead of turning off the TV you go watch the Spanish channel instead.
you think Bravo has quality programming.
you only eat food that has been shown in commercial.
you start taping soap operas so you don't miss any of the plot.
you watch soap operas and think they have quality writers.
you have your large front window converted into a big screen TV.
you think someday Al Bundy is going to have something good happen to him.
you start wondering why you don't have any cartoon characters as neighbours.
you wish you could star in an infomercial.
you know the name of the top 5 hollywood dogs.
you simultaneously watch more than 5 TV's in order not to miss anything.
your kids grow up thinking the only thing you can say is "shh, be quiet!".
you laugh at home videos on America's funniest home videos.
you think the host of AFHV is funny.
you don't think Bart Simpson is bad, just misunderstood.
you have the remote surgically attached to your hand.
you have the TV surgically attached.
you start thinking you can make explosives from dirt and a shoestring.
commercials become more important than going to the bathroom.
reality begins to seem so fake because it is nothing like what really happens on TV.
you were able to get a high school dimploma by watching homework hotline.
you start recognizing extras in movies.
you don't realize your children have been kidnapped until you see it on the news.
Guiness gives you a world record.
you've actually seen a politician say something intelligent in an interview.
you contemplate suicide when cable goes out.
you continue to watch TV when cable goes out.
the snow becomes interesting.
you send fan mail to cartoon characters.
you send fan mail to infomercial stars.
you know all the degrees that sally's going to say you can get at home.
you think the reason poeple in the third world are suffering because they don't have TVs.
you don't mind watching scrambled channels.
you can understand what is going on on the scrambled channels.